A New Take on Sexuality
I'd like to take a moment to talk a bit about the background and development of my new book The Uncensored Truth: Let's Talk About Sex.
Like many people, I've read a lot of articles, blog posts and books on the nature of sexuality. Commonly we do this to satisfy our curiosity, to see if there's something we don't know, or to find new inspiration on how to enhance our sex life.
One thing a lot of these books/articles/blog posts seem to have in common is pointing out the differences between the genders, and how to overcome them. This raised a lot of questions in my mind. Are these so-called differences really the reason for our troubles in the bedroom?
Being very inquisitive by nature, I started to have a lot of conversations with men and women about sex, relationships and human behavior in general.
I've met people from all kinds of social backgrounds and eventually, I came to an important conclusion. The main problem is not the differences between the genders but the lack of communicating all aspects of sexuality in a real kind of way, without sugarcoating everything.
Our society doesn't really address the real issues, mainly because we've learned to become very good at using what is called "white lies" to cover up anything that could potentially hurt someone. I have a different take on this: what one has to say shouldn't be the issue; it's how you say it, that's what matters.
I will give you a simple example to show how that could work:
A couple is getting ready to go to an event. The woman asks the man if he likes her outfit. Unfortunately, it's not very flattering. Now, often that leads him to just say, "no, you look good," and she doesn't change her outfit. But why couldn't he say it in a positive way if the outfit doesn't look good at all? Let's say the shape is awful and unflattering, but the color looks good on her. He could say something like this: "Honey, I love the color on you, it looks very good with your skin tone, but the design is not a good fit for you."
That's just a very general example of how we could handle "tricky" situations. Same goes for sex. If we avoid addressing desires we have, or sexual boredom, it just leads to bigger problems. Another thing often not addressed is the importance of sex in relationships. Society labeled it a taboo to even admit how important sex is in a relationship. One has to be friends above all. While that is important, it's a fatal mistake to base your romantic relationship on that.
Let's get to the key element, the one that is so often blamed for our miscommunication and problems with our sexuality: Are men and women really that different?
I don't think that's true at all. All the literature out there that has made such a big effort to close the so-called gap between the genders just made them drift apart even more. If anything, they reinforced the belief that we are incapable of understanding each other. No one is born with stereotypes in their head. Almost every aspect of male/female issues is rooted in our upbringing. That develops gradually, while you grow up. It was very important for me to break that down in my book, to show my reader that any differences we might have in our nature are related to our personalities, not our gender.
Another reason that motivated me to write this book were sexual taboos; and I realized something else: The role of sexuality in our lives is grossly misconstrued. In fact, most people have no idea what mind-blowing sex really is.
In my research, I came across a lot of interesting, juicy stories about sexual encounters, and I used them to give my readers a very clear picture ofmind-blowing sex. What is difference between "normal" sex and mind-blowing sex?
I'm gonna sum this up with a quote from my book:
When people have “normal” sex, they’re in their own world during the act; when people have mind-blowing sex it’s about merging these two worlds into one.
How do you do that? All of that is explained in my book in great detail.
Someone called it "the encyclopedia of sex." It was my vision to write a book that serves as a true eye-opener in every aspect regarding sex, a book that doesn't shy away from any topic. I wanted it to suit any kind of scenario - from relationships to one-night-stands. It was my greatest desire to liberate and empower my readers, to give them straightforward insights in ways never done before.